Rebuilding My Faith When I Felt Lost | His Grace

A young man tells how he returned home early from his mission determined to find his faith. Through a variety of “toddler” experiences, he now feels God telling him, “I’m so glad to have you here.”

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Faith and belief in God didn’t come as easily to this young man as it seemed to come to others. Still, he started to teach others about the gospel of Jesus Christ as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints until he could no longer profess to believe in something that he did not know to be true.

He didn’t ask his mission president for help, he simply said he was done. He covered his name tag and returned home. He still believed God was out there. “I knew I wasn’t the first to struggle with faith,” he said, affirming his desire find his faith.

One day, fearing an awkward meeting with a family friend who also had been his bishop years earlier, he was met at the door with a big hug. “I’m so glad to have you here,” said the former bishop.

“There was no spiritual interrogation. No pretending nothing had happened. Just love,” said the young man. “That’s the grace of God.”

His spiritual journey at a crossroads when he could have given up, he decided to continue to find his faith. Sometimes it was frustrating and progress too slow. But his belief in God and prayer led to random miracles, like a timely message, or unexpected greeting, that kept him seeking.

“I was looking for big things like revelation but found toddler miracles,” he said. “When I learned I couldn’t put preconditions on God, then I was able to start gathering those pieces of faith.”

He says he still is lacking pieces of faith and still deals with depression. “But I know God looks at me and says He’s glad to have me here. And I can turn to God and say I’m glad to be here. What more could I possible want?


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